Our Trip to Ethiopia

We arrived back in the States a week ago today.  It has been a hard week for me as I try to process all my thoughts and feelings of our 10 days in Ethiopia, while dealing with unpacking 6 suitcases, a refrigerator that stopped working while we were away, a dog that picked up kennel cough while boarded, and not to mention the craziness of preparing for the holidays.

I kept a journal during our stay and decided that I'm going to post it (maybe editing a few things to protect the innocent).  I know all 7 of my followers are dying to read about my emotional ups and downs and anything-but-good writing skills :) 

The Flight  Wednesday  November 16, 2011

We are somewhere over the ocean right now.  It's 4:30 pm our time back home and 12:30 am in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

When I chose our seats for this flight on Ethiopian Air - 28A B & C - I was focused on the fact that there were no seats behind us - so no one kicking the back of my seat for 13 plus hours.  I think I would rather have seat-kicking instead of the constant foul odor coming from the toilet, which is what actually is behind us :)

We should be trying to sleep but the bug is wide awake - playing with the lights, in constant movement, kicking the seat in front of him :)

I can't believe we will be in Ethiopia in about 7 hours!  Who can sleep!  Doesn't seem real yet.

Note to self for Embassy trip - start packing a few days ahead of time.  Waiting 'til the last minute was so frustrating!

Beza   Thursday  November 17, 2011

We had a very smooth flight landing in Addis around 8 am.  We had no wait to get our Visas.  They pulled us right into the small room with a simple Visa sign above the door, passing many in line, because we had a child.  There is a genuine love for children here.

We had no problem getting all 6 pieces of luggage - they sent us right through without x-raying our bags.

Our driver, Beky, was there waiting for us and piled all of our luggage into his Mercedes Benz.  (Beky tells us Toyotas are desired more than Mercedes here.)  Barely room for us in the car but we squeezed and it was a short ride to BJoe's Guesthouse.

Genet was there to greet us, show us our room and give a tour.  Beky brought all of our bags to our room and then asks if we would like to see Beza today.  I said "what?!"  He said if we leave in 10 minutes we can see Beza today and did not have to wait until tomorrow (Friday was our scheduled time to visit).  Sleep deprived, barely able to put 2 thoughts together, we said "lets go!".  We couldn't believe we were going to meet our daughter 2 hours after landing in Ethiopia!

We walked into toddler room #2 and there she was - just like her pictures.  Beautiful, shy, so sweet.  I wanted to run to her and scoop her right up but I knew that would scare her - plus, you're not supposed to do that :)

Cribs line the walls of the room.  There is a play mat strewn with legos, rattles, balls and stuffed animals.  And all of the children were sitting there with the caretakers playing.

I see Beza and call her name and give a little wave.  She smiles shyly at me and looks away.  A handful of children run to us and want loving and attention.  We sit on the mat and try to get her attention.  She shys away to her caretaker.  I hand her a lego and she accepts it.  She hands me a lego and we start to build a tower.

One sweet boy can't stop touching my hair.  A little girl can't get over Frank's lack of hair - touches his scalp and runs away screaming in laughter encouraging other children to do the same.

Koen and Beza start to play together.  She smiled at him, played, gave him hugs and kisses.  She would hold hands with him and lead him around the room.  The other children were very fond of Koen too.  Loved putting their hands through his hair, pulling him in all directions.  He was center of attention.

Minutes after we arrived and the caretakers knew we were there for Beza they hurriedly fixed her braids and led her out of the room to wash her face.  These ladies obviously love these children.

The hour flew by and it was time to go.  I tried to get a hug from her but it was not going to happen this visit.  Koen got enough for all of us :)

The children watched us through the windows as we left.  Koen and Beza, on opposite sides of the window, put their hand on the glass as if touching.  So very sweet.  Koen asked if we could please take her home now.  Sorry bug.  I wish.

I left feeling a mixture of emotions.  Sorting through those still.

Had a great lunch at Makush Gallery and went back to BJoes to nap.  It was a great day.



Here she is!

This was her referral picture we received on July 20, 2011.

Here she is on November 22, 2011, the day after we passed court.

Bezawit Rose Politzer





In Ethiopia!

We arrived in Ethiopia today!  We just got our bags into our room when our driver asked us if we wanted to go meet little sister/B/our brown-eyed girl.  I told him we were scheduled to meet her tomorrow.  He said we could go today if we wanted.  Yes!  We quickly changed the clothes we had been wearing for the last 26 hours and jumped back in the car.

As soon as I stepped foot in the room I saw her.  Oh.my.gosh.  It was pretty surreal.  There she was.  Just like in her photos.  Beautiful.  Shy.  Nervous.  We played.  Koen even got hugs and kisses from her.  She held his hand and led him around the room.  She played with his hair.  He loved it.  He doesn't want to leave her here when we go home.  Me neither.

It was a visit filled with many emotions.  I have so much more to share.  And I will as soon as I get some sleep:)

Koen is 5!

We had a Halloween Costume Party planned for Koen's 5th birthday.  18 of his little friends were expected at 12 noon on October 30th.  Then some crazy noreaster blew its way through our neighborhood!  There are times we don't ever see snow until January or February.  We got almost 8 inches of snow!

All this snow brought down trees that hadn't yet experienced fall and many lost power - including the building that was to host Koen's birthday.  One hour before his party was to start we received a call giving us the bad news and we had to tell a very excited little boy that he would not be having a birthday party :(

There were a few tears but we dried them off and did this instead!

Lou was having so much fun until all the snow balls he was making bogged him down.

We didn't need power for our community Halloween party.

It was a fun weekend. 
My little bug just moments after he woke up on the morning of his birthday.  The very first thing he says is "Am I five right away?" 

I absolutely love celebrating the birthdays of my children.  I love to go back to that moment in time when I first held them and felt the warmth of their skin on mine - just love it.  I close my eyes and I can still feel it.

Koen's favorite food group is pancakes.  And we happen to have an awesome restaurant right down the street that serves pancakes 50 different ways.  We were off to find us some special pancakes.

We sit down and I start to tell him all of the great new ways he can have his pancakes.  "I just want plain like at home."  I convince him to try fruity pebble pancakes.

I thought he was going to gag that small bite right back onto the plate.

Short stack of plain pancakes please.

Got some loving from one of the big brothers.  (the other big brother is at Duke and big sister is working now in DC)

Birthday dinner was cheese sandwiches in the shape of dinosaurs.  Donuts were the birthday cake of choice.

The favorite birthday present ever.

I say to him "you look just like the real Mario!"  "No, I'm just Koen.  This is a costume."  He cracks me up.

His party was rescheduled for the Saturday after Halloween which made for very happy children.

Mummy the daddy game.

Even Riley gave birthday love.

Happy birthday to my snuggle bug.  He promises no matter how old he is he will always be my snuggle bug.

Now I have to go start packing.  Cause we leave for Ethiopia in 7 days!!!!!!!

Sophia's Angelversary

I can't believe it has been three years.  Still feels like yesterday.  I wish I was able to write Sophia's birth story.  Three years ago today I almost died, and she did die.  While it's not a story with a happy ending it is a story of undying love and faith.  And one day I hope to be able to sort through the feelings of that love and faith which are so intertwined with tragedy and suffering.

I'm just a little baby

 who didn't quite make it there;

I went straight to be with Jesus

 but I'm waiting for you here.

Don't you fret about me mommy.

I'm of all God's most blessed.

I'd have loved to stay there with you

but Heavenly Father knows what's best.

Many who dwell here where I live

 waited years to enter in.

They struggled through a world of sorrow

 and their lives were marred with sin.

So sweet mommy don't be sad.

Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.

I went straight to be with Jesus

from my lovely mother's womb.

Thank you for the life you gave me.

It was brief but don't complain.

I have all of heaven's glory

suffering none of the world's pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me.

I'm thankful for all you've done.

I'll be waiting here for you

in heaven up above.

I would have loved to stay with you

and lived life by your side,

but the Lord called me home

I know it's hard to understand why.

Thank you mommy for making me,

you made me out of love.

I can't wait for the day I see you again

so you can see what I've become.

I'm an angel here in heaven.

The Lord's here by my side.

He wants me to let you know

He's sorry he made you cry.

He has a plan for me up here,

and a plan for you here too.

Someday we'll be together again,

and this I know is true.

(author unknown)

Some people only dream of angels, I got to hold one.



Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15 is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It's not that grieving parents need a special day to remind them of the day they miscarried, or the day their baby was born still, or the day their baby died of SIDS. This day is really about support, education and awareness. 

Next month will be three years since the worst day of my life.  There has not been one single day since then that I have not thought about my daughter Sophia. It's in the quiet moments of my day, usually in the shower or when I'm driving in the car alone. She's always right there in the front of my mind.

Support was very hard to find. People don't want to talk about your dead baby. Sounds horrible. It is. It's horrible to push when you're in labor knowing your baby was not going to give a little cry when she entered the world, knowing she was already gone. Or when the funeral director comes in and takes your baby away. Or when you have to pick out a 24 inch casket. And then when you get home there's the nursery door you have to walk by and wonder when you'll ever be ready to pack away all her things. And the emptiness you feel where just a day before you felt life. No one wants to talk about these things, except other moms who have gone through the same thing. We want to talk about our babies. We want hugs. We want not to feel so alone. It's so sad to want to find another mom who just lost her baby so you have someone to talk to about the pain that only another mom who just lost her baby could possibly understand.

My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her cry at night,
When all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away,
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's door
I see tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it's her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door.
I try to tell her
that angels protect me forever more.

I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says,
no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

(by Kaye Des'Ormeaux)

She was never promised to me forever. Through the pain and tears I still thank God for the gift of Sophia. I got to hold her every second of her life.

Court Date!!

I can't believe it!  I just got another best call ever!  We have a court date!  November 21st!  We will meet our little girl in 6 weeks!!

I was not expecting to see 817 flash across my cell phone for many weeks.  And when I did see it my first reaction was confusion and then panic.  I was afraid to answer.  With courts still closed for rainy season I thought this must be about little B.  There must be something wrong.  I immediately asked if she was okay.  I was immediately told yes and that there was good news.  I was in the check out line at the supermarket and just started to cry and scream.  I think I jumped up and down a few times too.

One lady was so sweet; she came up to me and said she was so happy for me.  How sweet is that?

Ethiopia, here we come!