Thirteen Months

Thirteen months yesterday waiting and twenty-one months since we started this adoption process. I have been all over the map with emotions during this roller coaster ride and today I feel like I'm at the tippy top of that coaster, teetering, feeling the pit in my stomach grow as I wait to plunge to the bottom. This is not a good feeling for me. I don't like roller coasters and am afraid of heights.

Three weeks ago I had an emotional breakdown of sorts and made a distress call to our caseworker; something I have not done through this whole process. I was heard, supported and encouraged to hang in. I felt good for awhile after that call, but that was 3 weeks ago. I can hang in; I've been hanging in. What I don't know is how I will hang in from the time of referral to coming home with her. There are so many unknowns - all the not-so-good emails - all the slowing-down changes - all the what-ifs. I've tapped into all my patience and strength reserves and struggling to find ways to fill those reserves back up.

I hope one day I will come back to this post, holding my daughter in my lap, and think "wow, those were crazy times" and hold her tight and tell her I'd do it all over again.

Mother's Day

We had a very busy Mother's Day weekend. Our daughter graduated from University of Richmond. We celebrated our son Cary's 20th birthday. And acknowledged wonderful mothers everywhere.

Just love my new coffee mugs! Frank had a hard time choosing favorite pictures to put on the mugs so I got four!

Our Gentle Giant

We really have the best dog. His name is Riley and he's five years old. We got him when I was pregnant with Koen so these two have been growing up together.

We call him our gentle giant. Giant as in over 100 pounds and gentle as in would never hurt anything or anyone and allow himself to be used as his little buddy's chair.

If you are feeling sorry for Riley because he is being used as a chair - please don't - he absolutely loves being a chair for Koen. Well, of course he didn't tell me he loves this but I assume if he didn't he would get up and walk away :) Anyway, I think he's thinking that he is in the perfect spot if a piece of whatever Koen is eating happens to fall off that plate.